Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
