**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Green mimosas i think yes
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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