Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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