My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
