Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Randomize
