We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
