you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
