capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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