grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is wine microwaveable?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
