The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how can u be prego again
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
