No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
