im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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