Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
