Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
