Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
