so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh god it's open bar.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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