a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize