Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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