It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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