also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
