fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
