then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
