Kiss
Puke
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
