last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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