My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
