Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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