I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
