If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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