Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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