My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
