My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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