I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
