how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
