I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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