you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
