I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
