YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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