It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
