I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Randomize
