She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
