Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
