Say something about gay babies.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bring me that man meat
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