And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
