Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
