You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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