is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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