I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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