Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
God I need to hump something, right now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
