I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
