We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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