her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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