If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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