I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
