I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
