Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
