I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
