Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
