Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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