I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize