Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.