So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."