I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
