WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You ruined the universe
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
