Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.