I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again