We're like a lot better than the average bears
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.