You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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