just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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