my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
