Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
whose parrot is this?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
