Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize