you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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