You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He passed out mid-signature
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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