No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
