Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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