Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize