Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
