after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
