the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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