we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
