he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
