If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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