her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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