My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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