Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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