This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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