the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
